As If Everyone Had Swelled

When I was in high school Facebook still required a college email to join, smart phones weren’t in everyone’s hands, and social media hadn’t evolved to the giant it is today. If Facebook suggested any person whose picture or name I remotely recognized, I friend requested them. After all, didn’t we say we’d KIP (keep in touch) when signing year books and shit? And let’s be honest, we all have that person/s that we look at their profile that makes us feel better when we’re feeling depressed about our life . Even though we literally have not spoken a word to them since that one class 10+ years ago we keep them “friended”.

I don’t talk to a lot of people that I went to high school with. Even those that I would consider my friends I haven’t managed to keep in touch with. I am sad about that because they were good people and we had a shit ton of fun. Going to different colleges made it difficult to meet up. Moving out of the area makes even more difficult. Getting new phones that insist on deleting random contact information doesn’t help either.

So when I was invited to my ten year high school reunion’s Facebook group I had mixed feelings. For starters it makes you realize a few things. 1- how social media has made keeping in touch easier 2- how social media has made it harder to hide 3- how fucking old you are. Soon after those feelings settled I realized that I would have to make a decision about whether or not I would be attending this reunion. My thought process is listed below for you amusement.


  • It would be nice to see some people again. Catch up, reminisce, all that sentimental bull. Plus we’re old enough to drink legally so that could be fun! But there’s no way for me to pick and choose who attends so… good company not guaranteed.
  • I don’t remember if I had beef with anyone but if I did this would be a good opportunity to bury the hatchet. Or, ya know, it’s been over ten fucking years so forget it and move on.
  • In all honestly, I’m a horrible person. I want to see how those years have treated my old classmates. I want to see if that bitch who sat behind me has some hard miles on her or if that muscular douche has developed a beer belly. I want to see if they have swelled.*


  • Like I said above, good company not guaranteed. Why would I pay money to attend a reunion with a bunch of people I don’t know or didn’t like? I wouldn’t be able to fake it enough to make it.
  • A reunion is not the place to meet new people. Chances of people breaking off into smaller groups to be with those they know? High as fuck. If it were the lottery, I’d buy a ticket because I’d be sure to win.
  • Shouldn’t I be excited to go back home and see the people I spent my youth with? Great cheese in the sky, why would I inflict that upon myself? They don’t call it being young and stupid for nothing. Want to see if I look like a hot mess, if I’m a serial dater, or if I got my shit together? Check out Facebook. That’s what it’s there for.

Trump Card

There are currently three states between me and where I grew up. That’s a 12 hour drive or a three hour flight. Distance = Cost. The cost of travel is not greater than the cost of attending. That’s with feelings factored in. I’ll pass this time, stay home and watch Grosse Pointe Blank with some friends but I’ll likely attend the 20th.

I do sympathize with those planning this thing. The payment deadline has been extended a couple times which makes me think that attendance is low. It’s not a good feeling when you work hard to plan an event only for five people to show up. I get it. It sucks.


I’m not attending my ten year high school reunion. I’m watching Grosse Point Blank with friends and shoving food in my face instead.


*If you don’t know what this blog is referencing, then let me enlighten you. It’s a line from one of my favorite John Cusack movies, Grosse Pointe Blank. If you haven’t seen it, then you should. It’s about an assassin returning home to attend his high school reunion. It’s perfect, right?

Also, the image for this blog is from GPB but I grabbed it from another blog (via Google Image) that I found. This particular post talks about two movies that are centered around high school reunions, Grosse Pointe Blank and Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion. It’s a fun read!